Mirror Mirror
by gobbysmiles
Summary: just a scene of what might happen if Katie confronted Emily over the bouncy castle S3 ep 4 ... PLEASE READ AND REVIEW :
1. Emily

**MIRROR MIRROR**

Emily sat staring at her mobile phone, wishing that it would ring or buzz. She couldn't think about anything - or anyone - else. But right now, she could only see her own face staring back at her in the black glass screen. Emily frowned at her reflection, scrutinising her skin and her eyes and her mouth and nose. What if she wasn't good enough for Naomi? What if she just turned round and said, "you're gay", because she didn't want to get involved with someone like Emily, rather than saying something like, 'you're a fucking good kisser' or 'I don't need MDMA either"?

Suddenly Emily sensed there was someone in the room behind her. She swivelled round quickly and faced Katie in their bedroom doorway.

She smiled at Emily, almost nervously, and sat down on her bed, holding out a packet of Maltesers to her sister.

"Want one?"

Emily shook her head, suspicious of her twin's behaviour. She narrowed her eyes for a second but her mobile began buzzing. She grabbed it again quickly and read the message. It was only Cook, saying that apparently Thomas had come back from the Congo, according to Effy. Emily sighed, annoyed that she'd suffered such an anti-climax.

She caught sight of her sister again, realising that she was wearing very _unrevealing _clothes, her shirt unusually buttoned up to the top and wearing skinny jeans instead of a skirt.

Katie was being...different.

"Ems?"

"What, Katie?"

"Well, there's this new footballer on the team, and I was hoping...well thinking that you might like to go on a double date with us."

"Katie!"

"He's really fit, honest."

"I don't want to go out with some airhead idiot, alright?"

"Please?"

"No!"

Katie sat up straight opposite Emily. For once, she seemed genuine.

"Please. I saw what happe-"

"You saw what?"

"The fucking bouncy castle, alright?"

"Oh."

Emily looked at her phone again, wishing that this conversation wasn't happening now.

"Yeah, fucking 'oh' is right. You've been shagging hundreds of dykes for all I know!"

"Katie!"

Emily stared into Katie's eyes, and glanced at her clothes again.

"For fuck's sake. You're not covering up because you think I'm...I'm..."

"Well I dunno! If you're lesbo enough to snog Naomi Campbell, how do I know you're not going to turn on me?"

Emily frowned at Katie, turning round on her bed so she didn't have to look at her sister.

"Look," Katie tried to talk to her sister, "I'm sorry. I just..."

"You just what, Kate?"

"Well, this just isn't meant to happen! We're the Fitch sisters. We both like boys and drugs and vodka."

"We never liked the same things, Katie."

"Yeah, but not this...different."

Emily wrinkled her nose.

"I'm not different."

"Aren't you?"

Emily stared at her sister. How could someone who looked so the same as her be as insulting and alien to her now?

She got up from her bed and left the room, forgetting her mobile.

Katie listened to Emily's footsteps fading as she went downstairs and snatched her mobile as soon as she was sure Emily wasn't coming back. She scrolled through Emily's inbox, looking for messages from Naomi, but there were only stupid texts from Cook and Freddie and herself.

Suddenly, the mobile began buzzing loudly.

"Shit!"

It was Naomi.

Katie accepted the call and listened to her speaking.

"Hi, lezzer. Are you coming to the gig tonight? We can forget MDMA again."

"Stay away from my fucking sister, Campbell."

She hung up and snapped the phone shut, throwing it down on Emily's bed again. Katie didn't realise that Emily was already out the house and sneaking round to see Naomi anyway.


	2. Naomi

"Oh fuck."

Naomi bit off the end of her nail, tearing off skin along with the neon pink-painted crescent. She threw her mobile on the floor opposite her, and sat against the wall cross-legged, staring at it. The more she looked at it, the more Naomi thought it was spitting words at her. Everything that Katie had ever said to her were swirling around in her head.

_Dyke!_

_I saw you looking at Emily. Having sordid fantasies?_

_You're probably a lesbo like your sodding hippie mother. _

_Enjoying the lady gardens in la-la-land? _

_Fucking Lezzer._

_Been munching muff recently, Naomi?_

_Stay away from my fucking sister, Campbell._

Naomi screwed her face up, trying to block out Katie's voice, but it just got louder. She could see her pulling faces and making snide comments, her scowls and disgust pressing further and further towards her.

And then Naomi couldn't help but think of Emily.

And Katie's words were still going round in her head, even though Naomi had clamped her hands to her ears to stop more noise getting in.

And finally, Naomi had to remember what had happened on that bouncy castle.

She didn't know why she had tried not to think about it so much. For the past few hours, since she got home from Pandora's 'sleepover' slash drugs orgy, she kept replaying the scene over and over again in her head. In fact, she kept replaying the whole night, mainly spent hiding in the mud behind Pandora's mum's daisy bushes kissing Emily.

The problem was, the more Naomi thought about Emily and Katie, the less annoyed with Katie she felt and the more guilty she became about Emily.

Her mum's stupid doorbell went off.

Sighing, Naomi hauled herself off the floor and wandered over to the front door, expecting to tell the postman to fuck off because her mum wasn't interested.

But as soon as she opened it, she felt lips pressed hard over hers, arms wrapped around her tightly and the smell of shampoo hitting her.

"Jesus!" Naomi broke away from Emily hastily, "It's like you're on fucking speed."

"I missed you."

"We've only been apart for six hours."

"Well, I still thought you'd text me."

"For fuck's sake Emily. It was just one night."

Emily cocked her head, heaving her bag up onto her shoulder. She waited for Naomi to say something, but she just stared at the floor, not wanting to be in this situation. Exasperated and upset, Emily swivelled round on her heels, wiping her eyes with the corner of her jacket.

Naomi stared at her walking away.

Closing the door slowly, she walked back into the living room and picked her mobile off the floor shakily. She scrolled down her messages, reading the texts.

_Call me xxx_

_Have you got the mud out of your hair yet? Xxx_

_Still a cock-cruncher? Xxx _

Suddenly, her phone began vibrating. It was an unknown number. She accepted the call, bringing her mobile to her ear tentatively.

"What are you Naomi?" She inhaled quickly, wanting to recognise the voice. But it was impossible, "Gay or straight?"

The call cut off. For once, Naomi didn't know the answer. She didn't even know if the call was real or imaginary.

Naomi sank onto the floor, collapsing in tears. She didn't care what Katie thought, so why was she getting so hung up over this? She didn't have a problem when she was ringing up Emily to find out if she was going to this gig tonight. So what was different now?

She knew that she was rejecting someone who liked her. To be precise, the only person who had wanted her in months. But she wasn't sure if she wanted her too. Naomi didn't want to pigeon-hole herself, to let all the pricks and bigots in the world stick her in a box and call her gay and ostracise her. Yet at the same time, Naomi knew that she was all about defying the norm. She'd always hated bending to fit in with other people's stupid ideas. And she didn't want Emily to hate her, she wanted her to like her and Naomi guessed that she must find Emily attractive somehow because they ended up together nearly every fucking time they met. So why was she so torn over this? Why did decisive, confident Naomi Campbell feel (for the first time in her entire life) so...lost?


	3. Katie

She slid a green bow into her red hair, bending over the sink to check her make-up in the bathroom mirror. Suddenly, she felt arms curl around her tightly, hugging her into the other person.

"Danny?"

"What the fuck? I'm your sister."

"Oh."

Emily let go of Katie, sitting on the edge of the bath in her red polka-dot dress. Katie sighed into the mirror, sweeping the wet floor with her eyes.

"Nice that you're pleased to see me, Kate."

"I thought you hated me," Katie looked at Emily's reflection in the mirror, "because I..."

"Thought I was a lezzie?" Emily glanced up to meet her twin's eyes.

Katie broke away from eye contact, looking at the floor again.

"I didn't think that you were like that."

"Yeah well, I'm not."

Katie turned around slowly and leaned back on the sink basin so she faced Emily.

"You can't just decide."

Emily stood up, biting her lip.

"I'm not gay. And it seems neither is Naomi, if you're interested."

Katie watched Emily leave the room and listened to her go down the stairs, just like the day before. Katie realised she spent more time tiptoeing round Emily and listening to her footsteps than normal. She supposed maybe this was what it felt like to be the second twin. After a few minutes, Katie walked to her bedroom and reached inside her bag searching for the box she needed. She found it, glanced at the text and realised she was going to have to go downstairs to take the pill.

Frowning, she walked into the kitchen determined not to look at Emily. She headed straight for the cupboard, grabbing a glass and filling it up at the tap quickly. Katie popped the pill she needed out of the plastic and slid the box into her pocket, hoping Emily hadn't noticed. She downed the tablet and water quickly. Out of sight, out of mind.

"You're taking the morning after pill again, aren't you?"

Katie sat down at the breakfast table opposite Emily, snatching her toast biting into it quickly. Emily gasped as her breakfast was stolen from her, but reminded herself to focus on her question.

"Well? Pill?"

"So?" Katie scowled at Emily, "It's not like I take it every day."

Emily scoffed, pulling a handful of Frosties out of the box on the table.

"Nearly. You're taking it at least once a week, Ems."

"What are you, the fucking Spanish Inquisition?"

"No...it's just Naomi said you're not meant to take it too often."

"Danny doesn't like latex, okay? It gives him a rash."

Emily giggled, smiling at Katie's embarrassed expression.

"Ooh, Danny! You know what, sometimes I think I know more about Danny than he knows his fucking self."

"It's rich coming from you."

"What?"

"You're always going on about that fucking Naomi. Naomi, Naomi, Naomi! All the fucking time! For G-d's sake, you're trying to convince yourself that you're not gay when it's certainly blatantly obvious that you just want to shag her. I can't believe it took me so long to realise."

Katie stared angrily at Emily, biting off a piece of toast violently. She watched as Emily gazed ahead sadly, blinking to stop herself from crying.

"For fuck's sake, you're behaving like some fucking victim. You always have to be the nice one, don't you? And now you're punishing me for not playing your fucking little game by turning all dyke."

"Guess what Katie?" Emily stood up, slamming her chair against the wall behind her, "Me being gay has nothing to do with you!"

Katie stood up now, walking out the kitchen door and putting her coat on.

"Will you make your mind up? You're fucking with my brain."

Katie slammed the front door behind her and set out across the road. She waited for Danny's car to come, but it didn't.

She walked to his football club and asked if he was there, but he didn't turn up there either.

So Katie decided to go somewhere completely new and see someone she knew was totally reliable. Or at least she hoped.

Twenty minutes of wandering aimlessly later, Katie rang the doorbell. Sure enough, exactly six and a half seconds later, JJ appeared.


	4. JJ

"Katie?"

"Hi Jay."

She pushed past him, shoving her way into his hallway.

"Wha-?"

JJ spluttered as Katie hung her coat on the banister and sauntered into up the stairs to his bedroom wearing a very expensive-looking mini-dress.

"It's awfully lovely to, erm, see you here Katie," JJ stammered as he followed her to his room, closing the door behind him, "but...what...why...I've never had a girl in my room before."

"It's kind of obvious."

"Oh."

Katie giggled nervously, looking around JJ's room. The ceiling was completely covered in paint, colours splattered all over it like a Jackson Pollock painting. There were scribbles on walls: mind maps; paintings of magicians and magic tricks; doodles of Cook and Freddie; neon handprints; poems scrawled messily in permanent marker. She sat down cautiously on the end of his bed, watching out for the piles of cards and balloons and random bits of magic stuff dumped on the floor and scattered on his bed.

"So, what have you been up to J? Been with Cook?"

JJ nodded, blinking quickly

"Went out...Freddie didn't come...sister, erm, shed, photo-"

"Whoa, JJ! Calm down, it's just small talk."

"Small talk?"

"Yeah, it's what normal people do before they start doing what they're meant to be doing."

"Well, what are we meant to be doing?"

Katie sighed, focussing on an ace card next to her foot.

"I wanted to ask you something."

JJ sat down opposite her cross-legged on the floor.

"Do you think I'm a bitch?"

JJ stammered, muttering for ages without really saying anything.

"Fuck," Katie scowled, "I didn't think I was that bad."

"You're not! I just...I get locked on. When I see things or I don't know what to do."

"You got locked on at Pandora's didn't you?"

"Erm..."

"Freddie had to take you home, right?"

"Yes, but it was only because I'd seen something particularly interesting; actually it would probably be quite interesting to you because Emily's your sister and-" Katie slid onto the floor and leaned forward so her face was nearly touching his, "shit."

"What did you see her doing?" Katie whispered in his ear, "It's alright JJ, I can handle it."

"I moan..."

"What? What the fuck are you on about?"

"Ana...an...anagram."

"Fucking hell, J, you don't make it easy, do you?"

JJ shivered and glanced at a doodle on his wall. Katie followed his gaze. Her eyes rested on a doodle of two girls holding hands, their bodies pressed together close at the side as if they were stuck at the hip.

"Naomi..."

"That's it."

"Fuck! How many people have seen them snogging everywhere? Christ knows what they've been getting up to."

"That's exactly right. Christ knows everything, Katie."

"Don't go fucking missionary on me," Katie stood up, clipping her hair out of the twist she'd spent hours perfecting, " Unless you really want to?"

"Go missionary?"

"Yups, Jay-ster. It's not like everyone else isn't at it."

"Oh! Well, actually, erm, it's lovely but-"

"Jesus! Even the fucking virgin can't make his mind up."

Katie flounced out of his room, hopping down the stairs.

"You know what J? The only reason you're a virgin is because you're such a fucking freak."

JJ held his head in his hands as he heard the front door slam loudly downstairs.

He didn't understand why everything always had to go wrong: Cook, Freddie, Effy and Karen. Life just got fucked up so easily. And he hated it how people always dismissed him. At least Cook understood him. He didn't treat JJ like an idiot. Of course, he took advantage sometimes, but JJ thought he'd rather have a friend who took advantage of him now and again than no friends at all.

JJ stood up, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. He bent over and picked up the cards, holding the ace on top. He flicked it over and shuffled the whole pack, letting the thin cards jump in the air like dolphins. JJ kept juggling. It took his mind off life. When he was doing magic, it was like he had something no-one else did. And no-one else could take it off him. Quite frankly, when it came to tricks and illusions, JJ was hot shit.


	5. Freddie

_SET DURING JJ's EPISODE._

_Shit. Fucking, fucking shit. _

Freddie stared at his bedroom wall. He didn't want to sit in his bed, because it felt too dirty. He didn't know why. He didn't care if he'd screwed Effy over, screwed Katie over a million times, but he knew he shouldn't have screwed JJ over.

A few months ago, JJ would have got locked on.

Freddie thought that maybe JJ had changed more than he thought. After all, Karen had. He never thought she'd fuck Cook, but then again, Freddie never thought Effy would either. Girls were just all fuckers. So much for men being the bastards.

He could hear Emily and Katie in the garden.

Girls didn't even only screw men over, but they fucked each other up too.

Still, he always thought it would be pretty minted to know a lesbian.

Freddie laughed for a minute, imagining what Cook would have said if he was there. But then he remembered that he wasn't friends with Cook anymore and said, "Wanker."

He wandered downstairs into the kitchen. The door was open, and Karen was next to it, watching them fight. She was giggling.

Stupid dickhead.

Even though she was his sister, Freddie thought she was a complete arsehole sometimes.

He left the garden, strolling through the street with his shirt off.

He ignored the people looking at him and the chavs whistling. He had too much on his mind.

Then he heard footsteps behind him and Emily pushed past him, almost shoving him to the floor. Freddie watched her run. She was crying.

He turned back and went home. Katie was crying too.

Freddie didn't think she was the sort of person to cry a lot. Well, he wasn't expecting her to turn up and shag him either, but Freddie guessed that if she couldn't have Beckham, and he couldn't have Effy, then maybe fucking each-other didn't seem like such an alien prospect.

He sat down on the grass next to her and put his arm around her.

It felt nice, but it felt uncomfortable too. She whimpered, her skin covered in goosebumps under his.

"Why me Freddie? Why do I have to be the one with the fucking lesbo sister?"

"Dunno, Kates. Don't know."

"Don't call me fucking Kate. Only Emily calls me Kate."

"Sorry."

Katie stood up, shaking him off her.

"Let's go and fuck. I've had enough of this shit."

Freddie followed her into the house, ignoring Karen's whoops and fake kisses.

"I'm going to kill Emily when she gets home. She promised me, Freddie. She promised."

"I know."

_Effy promised me too._


	6. Cook

_SET AFTER JJ's EPISODE._

Cook stirred from his sleep, wincing as pain shot through his stiff muscles. He tried to sit up but then the pain descended on his head as well.

"Ah, fuck."

Groggily, Cook hoisted himself up against the wall onto his arse. He stuck his head between his legs, rubbing his hands over his hair to try and wake himself up.

"Fucking JJ. Absolute fucking madman."

He remembered the pills through his foggy memory. Cook laughed to himself for a minute, realising JJ had some pretty cool shit going on. He was fucking high all the time, for Christ's sake.

He didn't remember telling the truth, and it still didn't dawn on him when he opened his eyes to see Thomas staring down at him distastefully.

"Alright, mate? Fucking good party, eh?"

Cook looked around at the room, noticing the empty bottles had been cleared up already even though there were still drunks lying asleep on the floor around them.

"Where's Panda?"

"Don't talk about Panda, Cook."

"Why not? You can't fucking tell me who I can talk about. You don't know how well I fucking know Panda, Toms. You'd be fucking flabbergasted if you had even a tiny fucking clue, Frenchie!"

Cook stood up, jabbing Thomas in the chest. He looked him up and down, scowling at Thomas's attitude.

"I am not French, pussy cunt."

Cook immediately went for him, grabbing Thomas by the collar and raising his fist.

"What d'you say, dickhead? I'm assuming you made a fucking mistake there."

Thomas did not react. Hesitantly, Cook let him go, and suddenly Thomas punched him, knocking him onto the floor.

"You will not 'pop Panda' anymore, Cook. You will not go anywhere near her."

Cook got to his feet again, wiping the blood from his mouth. It was too late; the red metallic liquid was already seeping around his tongue, poisoning it with that toxic familiar taste. Cook had experienced it many times, but it wasn't the sort of taste you got used to. It tended to come with particular memories, particularly upsetting memories.

Cook stumbled out of Thomas's flat. He didn't care anymore. He'd keep on fucking Panda, but he just wasn't going to let Thomas know. As if Pandora wouldn't come knocking round his flat tomorrow, wanting a shag, or offering a blow job. Despite what Effy said, she was definitely a fast learner.

Cook frowned as he strolled down the street, squinting in the brightness of the rising sun. He had had enough of Effy. She was too much of a drama queen. There was always an issue with her, and it wasn't much fun shagging someone when they were so fucking miserable the whole time. It wasn't as if she had that amazing tits anyway, even if she was good in the sack.

He decided to go to JJ's house. He didn't fancy going back to his boxy box room yet. Besides, he could always do with a good bacon sandwich from JJ's mum.

Cook changed direction, sneaking into an alleyway on his left. He followed the broken pavement slabs to JJ's street, wiping his mouth again to try and get all the dried blood off his face. He didn't want JJ to get locked on, especially in front of his mum. Cook knew it freaked her out. He'd been there when she had a panic attack because they'd run out of mango juice.

Cook swore at the kids as he went past. They were always fucking there. He knew they fucking adored him though. They wanted to be like him. Not like Freddie, the unbearable shitty twat, or like JJ, the magic man, but like him. It was nice having someone adore you, despite them being utter wankers. Cook imagined there weren't many people who did admire him. He only won the election for promising pills, parties and sex. Anyone can promise that if they buy enough condoms.

He rang the doorbell.

"Hey, Mrs J. Fancy a bacon sarnie, gorgeous?"

Cook grinned as he took JJ's mum under his arm, walking her into the kitchen.

"Hey, double J. Emily."

JJ stared up at Cook, startled.

Cook double checked the situation.

"Wait a minute...Emily? What the fuck?"

"James," JJ's mum started up, placing a restraining hand on his shoulder, "you know the rule, remember?"

"Hi, Cook. JJ said you took it pretty rough last night," Emily piped up, "guess the STUN is strong, huh?"

"It's pretty f-" Cook noticed JJ's mum frowning, "... flipped up, innit?"

Cook sat down at the table loftily, draining JJ's orange juice as he waited for his bacon sandwich.

"So," he whispered across the table, "You been getting it on, then?"

JJ and Emily looked at each-other.

"Well done J. Never thought you'd do it. Top man!"

Emily cocked her head, raising her eyebrow.

"Sorry Ems. Well done you too."

"I'm not a virgin!"

"I know, you're not now, are you? Neither's Magic Man!"

Cook ignored Emily's protests and gestured for JJ to high five him, who complied nervously.

"Wahey! It's a proud day, man. Fucking proud day."

JJ's mum brought over his bacon sandwich.

"Ta, Mrs J. Top lady with a top son."

She smiled, sitting down next to them and sipping her tea.

"So, Jay... stepping out with us today?"

"Actually, Cook, we're going shopping for pyjamas. Emily said it would be nice to get some without the pictures on, and we are taking the opportunity today, because it's Saturday. That's the best day for shopping you see, preferred by most British citizens due to the decrease in pressures from work, school and general daily life. Saturday is very relaxed, and is therefore the perfect day."

"Right then."

Cook bit into his sandwich slowly, tearing off the meat.

"You can come with if you like."

"Nah man. You know Cook. I don't wear pyjamas, do I?"

"No. You sleep naked, exclusively with women."

"Too right, double J, too right."

There was an awkward silence.

"Right then, better be off," Cook nodded at them all, "Mrs J, JJ, Emily."

He slammed the front door behind him and set off down the street. He swore at the kids again.

Cook felt weird. He wasn't used to JJ being like this. He was actually _growing up_.

He shivered.

Cook tried to shake it from his mind, but it seemed impossible. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He fumbled in his pocket for his mobile and scrolled down his contacts list.

"Fancy a shag?"


	7. Effy

_SET AFTER JJ's EPISODE._

Effy watched Naomi's face twist in annoyance.

"No. Contrary to popular belief, I do not want to shag you."

Naomi glanced over at Effy nervously.

Immediately, Effy worked out who she was talking to.

Then Naomi's face froze, and Effy realised Naomi was embarrassed and upset. She tried to hide her face but Effy kept staring. She wasn't ashamed of watching. Effy wasn't ashamed of anything.

"Shut up," Naomi was whispering down the phone, apparently so shocked she could barely speak, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She paused, waiting for a reaction.

"You know what, dickhead? It's none of your fucking business!"

Naomi terminated the call and chucked her phone on the bed angrily.

"What's up?"

Effy didn't care Naomi didn't want to talk. All Effy cared about was being omniscient - like Tony had been.

Naomi glared at her.

"It was Cook, wasn't it? I know he snogged your face off after the elections you know. I know everything Naomi. Don't forget that."

"Sure. You know fucking everything, right? Even though you're so bloody thick you won't just give in to your own fucking self. Remember Freddie, Eff?"

Now Effy looked away. Maybe there was something that made Effy ashamed after all.

"So what did Cook say?"

"Oh...it's nothing."

"Didn't look much like nothing."

"Emily shagged JJ apparently. Not that I care."

"Of course you fucking care."

"Okay, I care."

"Good. I didn't think JJ had it in him."

Naomi scoffed, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"He said he loved me you know."

"Everybody loves you, Effy."

"I know."

Effy leaned over to Naomi, inching closer to her face.

"What are you doing?"

Effy kissed Naomi, not closing her eyes so she could watch Naomi's reaction. She hated missing things. She only let herself close her eyes by mistake.

Naomi didn't close her eyes either.

"Was that as good as Emily?"

"Not even close."

Effy pushed her chair out the way and stood up, pouring the leftover mango juice down the sink. She picked up her boots from the edge of the kitchen and pulled them on, not bothering to put socks on.

"Effy?"

"We're going to get her back, Naomi."

Effy looked on as Naomi got up too, slipping into her pumps. As Naomi was leaving the house, Effy stuck her head around the living room door.

"I'm just going out, Mum, okay?"

Anthea didn't notice her; she was too busy slobbering over her new boyfriend.

Effy followed Naomi out of the house.

"Ready?"

Naomi nodded.

They both hauled themselves onto Naomi's bike and rode into town.

"We need ice-cream," Naomi decided, "even if I fuck everything up, at least I will have had ice-cream."

They bought double 99s, covered in raspberry sauce and sprinkles, not to mention the four flakes each.

They spent ages chatting and laughing.

Effy realised how little she'd laughed lately.

She missed Pandora.

Effy knew that she was really the first ever proper friend she'd had. Panda was the first friend she'd brought home. It was odd, how often Tony's friends used to come round compared to how little Effy invited people. She wished she had asked people over or even just made friends with Tony's mates. She felt like she only really knew Michelle and Sid. Cassie was a complete nutcase, and she didn't even want to think about Jal. G-d knows what she was like in London now Chris had died. Effy remembered when Tony came home from Chris's funeral that night, without Sid or Michelle. She remembered how he just cried in his bedroom, and got her to promise to him that she wouldn't fuck everything up like he had. And Effy remembered how she'd told him he hadn't fucked it up; in fact he'd recovered from the accident and done so much better than anyone ever thought he would. But then Tony told her what Jal had said to him when she'd found out Chris was dead, the first thing she'd said to any of them when she had to tell them. Jal had asked Michelle why Tony couldn't have died instead of Chris, why he had got to survive when her boyfriend hadn't. And even though Tony knew that it was the grief, and that Jal didn't really wish him dead - he hoped - Tony couldn't help but agree.

And that day, Effy decided that she had to make and effort. Effy decided that very moment that Pandora was going to be her friend and she didn't need to pretend that she didn't need one anymore.

But Effy knew that now she had broken her promise - she'd fucked everything up.

And it wasn't true that she didn't know why; Effy almost liked the drama. It was easy to manipulate others and create little stories in your life that didn't have to exist purely in your mind. But Effy forgot how easily the stories could spin out of your control.

She focussed on Naomi again.

"What are you thinking about Eff?"

"Don't know."

"Of course you know, I'm not an idiot."

"Tony."

"Tony Stonem," Naomi rolled his name over her tongue slowly, "the kid who survived the 44A bus."

"He's not a kid."

Effy hated people referring to his accident. They didn't know how much it had fucked the family up. She thought maybe her dad wouldn't have started working away from home otherwise, and then maybe her mum wouldn't have got depressed and shagged her dad's boss.

Eventually Effy drifted out of her daydream, and they cycled to JJ's house. Naomi took them on the route through town and they laughed at the chavs and geeks on their way.

Effy of course, never let on that she was having fun.

They parked the bike outside the gate. Effy could tell Naomi was nervous, so she rang the doorbell for her.

"Hello?"

Naomi glared at JJ, and nervously he called Emily.

"What the fuck?" Naomi shouted when she appeared, "I thought we were..."

"What? What did you think, Naomi?"

"I... fuck this."

Naomi turned around, pushing Effy out the way to get to her bike.

"Actually, do you know what?" Naomi turned around on her heels suddenly, glaring at Emily, "I don't understand you. What's the point of telling me all those things, and fucking it all up and letting me fall in l..."

Emily stared back, clutching JJ's hand in hers.

"You love me?"

Effy liked observing. It made her feel powerful, being able to watch like everything was a movie and she wasn't actually _in_ life.

Naomi stared past Effy at JJ and Emily.

She was looking at their hands. Effy wanted to hold Naomi's hand for a moment, but then she remembered she was zoning out of reality. This was only for watching.

JJ shivered, and whispered in Emily's ear.

"I think you should go, Naomi. JJ's getting locked on."

"Fucking hell. Why does everything revolve round stupid little insecurities, huh?

"What?"

"JJ has his pills, Freddie has his sister, Cook...G-d knows what Cook has. Effy's completely fucked up by her mum and dad and won't admit she loves Freddie. And you have your fucking gay complex."

"It's your gay complex too. At least I admit it."

"Doesn't look like it, shagging JJ, does it?"

"I love JJ."

Now JJ turned and looked at Emily too, bright red with embarrassment.

"As a friend, alright? Jeez, you must fucking like me if you're getting so worked up."

Effy smiled secretly to herself. She remembered when Tony got worked up about her two years ago, when she OD'd. She liked how protective he had been.

He wasn't anymore. He barely even called home from university. Wanker.

Her secret smile disappeared.

She didn't notice much that Emily and Naomi were smiling at each-other now, and JJ had invited them all in for mango juice.

She didn't think that they all had an unhealthy obsession with this fucking mango juice. Who the hell actually bought _mango_ juice anyway?

It didn't even occur to Effy that Roundview College was going to go mad when Emily and Naomi became public. Effy had heard enough from Tony that relationships never stayed secrets for long, and that secrets were devoured like free jelly babies when they got revealed. Why else had she wanted to leave her old prissy school anyway?

Effy lived for secrets, relishing every tiny, juicy tidbit of information she could sink her teeth into. In the past, she'd found them through Tony's life, not needing to fake an interest in all the girls' mundane stories at her private school. Finally, Effy had a chance to get her hands on real secrets, secrets which she didn't have to hear about through her brother, and secrets that she could use for her own gain.

Now Effy really was the new Tony Stonem.


	8. Emily 2

_SET DURING EFFY'S EPISODE._

Emily liked going to the cinema.

Not because she liked watching films much, but because she liked watching people. In the cinema, even if it's very dark, you can make out people's silhouettes and you can tell their reaction. How someone laughs or cries or even just leans forward, completely absorbed. The speech of the actors streaming into everyone's ears, absorbing them in a different world altogether, wrapped up in a little bubble so to escape reality.

Naomi was right next to her, their hands clasped tightly together in the pitch black. Emily could feel the chipped nail varnish on her nails and the plastic rings on her fingers.

She smiled, and Naomi squeezed her hand.

The cinema disappeared as Emily opened her eyes to the dull light. In its place was a hospital, reeking of disinfectant and filled with electronic bleeps. She looked up, examining the grey walls. Emily thought that hospitals should be the one place in the world where grey wasn't allowed; the room should have been pink, or yellow or blue or red. It should give you hope, not misery.

She wished she'd stayed in her daydream cinema.

"Freddie?"

Emily's eyes shot towards the bed she had been sat next to for the past four hours. She watched as her sister began to speak, gripping her Freddie's hand and not hers.

Emily felt a ball of pain roll into her throat and her chest tightened. She didn't want Katie to want Freddie. She thought Katie would want her. In fact, she needed Katie to want her.

But all Emily could do was watch as Freddie hovered over her sister, pushing the hair off her face and feeding her water. It seemed wrong. Even their parents weren't there; they were talking to the police about how Katie might have got hurt.

"Emily?"

She stood up as Katie said her name, pushing the plastic chair out of the way. Emily smiled, gripping her twin's hand and locking eyes with her. It was the first time in ages that they had shared eye contact. Well, it was the first time since JJ blurted everything out that Katie had looked straight at Emily without scrutinising her or trying to make her feel ashamed.

Emily smiled again, kissing Katie on the cheek.

"What happened?"

"Effy," Katie whispered in her ear, "she hit me with a rock."

Freddie shifted beside her, bending down to check he had heard Katie's groggy, whispering voice right.

"Urghh...attacked me for no reason. Fucking bitch."

Emily was stunned.

"Oh my G-d."

She heard Freddie echoing her, and then Naomi.

Immediately, she grabbed Naomi's hand behind her, not even caring if Katie could see.

She imagined Effy, drunk on mushrooms and vodka, bashing Katie. Of course, Emily knew her sister. She knew she must have provoked her somehow, but at the same time the hate towards herself began to rise.

What the fuck was she doing messing around with Naomi when Katie was out in the woods? She never should have let Katie go off alone, even if it meant missing out on all the fun. Then Emily's disgust rose as she realised she'd practically blamed Katie for Effy's actions.

"Don't leave me for her."

Katie's begging Freddie brought her back. Now her anger became directed towards him. He fucking owed Katie now, even more than she did.

"I'll fucking castrate you if you leave her, Fred."

Emily couldn't hold herself back. She wanted to be eight again, and able to hug Katie where there wouldn't be any boys or make-up to distract her. She wanted her old sister back, the twin which didn't have issues with her sexuality or the way she dressed or even the apparently obscene amount of yoghurt which Emily ate.

And then the anger rose up again.

"Why didn't you look after her? What were you fucking thinking of?"

"I dunno," Freddie was stunned, "I don't know what I was doing..."

Her brother walks in. Shit, the stupid twerp. Always comes at exactly the wrong moment.

They all filter out the room, numb. Emily watches Freddie kiss her sister as they leave. If only life was that simple for her: Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming.

Emily had Snow White combined with Cinderella.

Then her eyes hit the Evil Stepmother.

Elizabeth Stonem.

Queen bitch extraordinaire.

She wasn't going to waste more than a few words on her. Emily didn't care for her apologies. Everyone knew she was just going to go home and fuck Cook. She always did.

Everyone knew she had excuses too. And that they all revolved around her family. Emily knew there was always something up with Effy - it didn't matter whether it was love, school or drugs - and it was always attributed to Tony.

Emily shook her head as she sat in the car. Even Tony Stonem didn't want his own fucking little sister anymore.

She glanced at Freddie, who was gazing out to the road like a zombie. He looked disgusted.

"It's not your fault really, Freds. It's not like any of us could have known."

"I should have, Emily. I should have been fucking looking after her, not..."

_Not what?_

Emily sat in silence, turning his words over in her head.

Fuck life. Everything was screwed up. Only JJ, who lived off pills, had his head sorted.

Naomi invited Emily to her house when they got home.

She was glad to get away from Freddie, and his sister's stupid pink car.

"So did you not feel some pain? Like a twin vibe?"

Emily laughed at Naomi's joke.

"Fuck off. We're not fucking walkie talkies!"

"Phew. Katie would keel over if she knew how dirty you really are."

"I think she does, Naomi."

"Shit."

"Exactlement."

"Shit!"

"You already said that."

"I know," Naomi brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes, "I thought it might need reiterating."

They sat on Naomi's bed playing with paper fortune tellers. They were the sorts of things you made in primary school: squares of paper folded over twelve times, with eight fortunes. But Naomi and Katie's fortune tellers only had one prediction: _kiss_.


	9. Cook and Effy

_SET DURING/AFTER TWINS' EPISODE._

He watched her in the mirror as he shaved.

Cook didn't notice the thick droplets of blood fall into the pooled water in the sink when he cut himself.

He stopped and held the razor deep into his cheek, letting the red stream down his face. He licked it as it ran past his mouth, biting his tongue to numb the metallic taste.

Effy stopped showering and stepped out.

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"Sometimes you don't notice the pain if it hurts too much inside."

Effy nodded and got back in the shower. She'd been it in for forty five minutes, and the water was cold. She kept scrubbing and scrubbing at her skin, re-lathering her hair in shampoo countless times.

"It ain't gonna take the blood away, Effs."

He watched her stiffen, naked, and turn the water off. It amazed and disgusted him how she didn't care that she was so exposed. He didn't know why. Normally, any bird with her tits out was good enough in his book, but something about Effy made him uncomfortable these days. It was as if she was a child, helpless and monotone and for once, even sex, drugs and rock and roll couldn't fix anything.

"You can keep scrubbing, but it won't help."

Effy got out the shower again, with her hair still covered in foam, and marched angrily towards him, shoving Cook against the worktop.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!"

"I've been there, I know."

"Fuck you!"

Cook grabbed her chin in his hand and made her stop hitting him.

"Oi! You think what you've done is bad? Welcome to the real fucking world, _Elizabeth_. Don't you think I've done a million more things than you? I ain't about to fucking apprehend you if that's what you're worried about. I'm sick of this fucking act of yours. Don't behave like you're alone."

"What?" Effy's voice had shrunk into a tiny whisper, barely audible over the water which was still running in the sink over the edge and onto the floor, "I don't understand."

"Forget him."

Effy blinked at Cook, her eyes filled with tears.

"He stayed with Katie. He doesn't want you now that he's fucked you."

"How did you kn-"

"Fucking want me. I'm the one on the run with you. I didn't have to. I've missed my fucking A-levels thanks to you. Be fucking grateful, man. Fuck's sake."

Effy launched herself onto him, her lips pressed hard against his, and bit his lower lip, rolling it into her mouth.

"I'm grateful, Cook. Grateful, I promise."

Cook pushed her off him, storming out the cramped bathroom after he turned the tap off and unplugged the sink.

"Wash your fucking hair."

He sat on the double bed, looking at himself in the mirror.

The blood hadn't dried against his skin because of all the steam; it glistened on his face in a rich red. He pulled his clothes on even though he was still wet from Effy's soaked skin being pressed up against him. It was uncomfortable and the water soaked through his shirt awkwardly, but Cook had realised over the years that maybe he liked pain. He had gotten used to it. Anything that might have been human sort of faded away until he was left with this dull throb all the time which took over all of his body. That was why Cook liked fucking everything up. He wanted other people to understand what it was like to be him.

He thought Freddie had. For years, they existed like some weird little fucked up family: Cook as the abusive father; Freddie as the mum who had to patch everything up; JJ as the kid they both had to look after. Cook never expected JJ to understand. He made the crucial mistake of underestimating him, labelling him forever as the one which didn't get laid or wasn't good at scoring chicks. It seemed like Cook was wrong about everything. The world was upside-down. Or so it was according to Cook. He thought Freddie got him, and knew that Cook didn't have any buttons to press. Cook was the button.

He watched as Effy wandered naked and wet into the bedroom, her hair dripping more water down her back. She pulled her clothes on too, and like Cook's had, her clothes darkened as soon as her skin touched them, the water soaking through. They stood by the open window together, waiting for the cold wind to dry them.

"You don't care about me, do you?"

"No, Cook."

"You still want Freddie, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Is he better at shagging?"

Effy stayed silent.

"Is he better?" Cook raised his voice slightly, "You're going to fucking tell me."

"I don't know."

"Fuck that. I'm taking it as a no."

"You always have to be better, James, don't you?"

Cook spun round and made Effy face him, their bodies so close she could feel his pungent breath on her skin. They hadn't had the money to buy toothpaste. Food, petrol and motels were the only necessity.

"Don't fucking call me James. Only one person calls me that."

"Who?"

"Fuck off."

"Who, Cook?"

"Why do you want to know? You don't care about me."

"I like secrets. I like knowing I'm not the only one who's fucked up."

Cook laughed under his breath.

"You are such a fucking princess. One little fight and you think you're fucking Myra Hindley."

"So? You think you don't hurt anyone. But you do. You hurt people deep."

"Why do you think I do it? I know. Didn't it ever occur to you I like hurting people?"

"Yes."

Cook shrugged his shoulders, lying down on the bed. Then he got up straight-away, and starting shoving their stuff into their bags.

"We're going now. Time to move on."

"Where to?"

"Don't fucking know, do I? Stop being such a pussy and move your arse."

They worked quickly, squeezing their clothes into rucksacks, and left the room filthy, the bathroom with great puddles on the floor, seeping into the carpeted bed room.

They ignored the receptionist, chucking the keys down at her desk with their hoods pulled up so she couldn't see their faces properly.

Effy and Cook piled into his car.

He turned onto the motorway and they faced the same scene again, the occasional _Little Chef_ cafe breaking up the grey of the foggy sky.

"Tell me, Cook."

He didn't answer her for twenty minutes, concentrating on the road. They never put the radio on, or music, because Effy said she couldn't cope with the noise. Cook thought if there was any more silence, his head would explode.

"My mum."

"Oh."

"Didn't you realise I live in a Roundview flat? Or didn't it enter your precious little head?"

"No. It didn't."

"Yeah, well. I've lived there for three years."

"We've only been at Roundview for one."

"You're not the only one who had a brother. Mine just wasn't on the radar cos he fucked off halfway through his second year. No-one cared. He wasn't mental enough."

"That's why you're fucked up?"

"No. That's why they took pity on me and said I could stay there as long as I went to Roundview for sixth form. That's why I bothered doing the fucking GCSEs."

"Right."

"There used to be this guy that had these parties in his little room. I used to watch what he did with his friends in the corridor. They had to clean everything up dead quick though, in case a teacher came. He'd have got kicked out if they caught him."

"Has he gone to uni now?"

"I dunno. Little fucker got kicked out last year, like in February or summat. I got his room then - my old one was even shittier. Crazy wanker. Taught me how to roll my own spliffs. Fucking good laugh, he was. Heard he shagged some teacher or something like that. Or maybe it was for just fucking everyone in the school? I dunno. He was fucking cool though. Wish I could go to one of his parties now. I think his name was Colin or something like that. I should find him. Fucking ace man, he was. Fucking ace. Used to see him down the pub; he bought his pills there sometimes off Uncle Keith."

"I think my brother knew him."

"Ace. Call him, we'll find out where Colin is. He'll put us up, he's a top bloke."

"He's dead."

"What? Your brother?"

"No. Colin's dead."

"Shit. I liked him."

"Subarachnoid brain haemorrhage."

"Fuck. Dunno what that is, but it sounds fucking painful."

"His girlfriend was up the duff too, apparently. Tony told me."

"Shit, the teacher?"

"No."

"Phew. You wouldn't want a fucking teacher spawn as your kid."

Effy laid her head against the seat and let it roll around with the movement of the car.

"How do you know I shagged Freddie?"

"It's pretty obvious. You became even less excited by the prospect of shagging me."

Effy raised her eyebrows.

"You're a real bitch, Effy."

"I know."

"Like your brother. He had that fit girl, didn't he?"

Effy shrugged.

"I remember when I was in Year 9, and he was in Y11 at that fucking awful comp. Dunno why you didn't go there."

"OD'd. Sent to private shit-hole."

"Right. Anyways, this bird had everything, right? Everything. And he just fucked her up, like that."

"Michelle?"

"Must have been something like that. But it was insane, cos she just kept on taking him back."

"Yep."

"Your Tony didn't even give a shit."

"He did."

"No he didn't. Otherwise he wouldn't be such an arsehole. My mum left me, right, and I said I was gonna be like him. I'm going to screw people up. I won't get myself fucked over."

"You did though."

"No, I haven't. It was always that Millie who - "

"Michelle."

"Right, Michelle who took the rap. There was always this girl who hung around with her when she was crying. Fucking hell, I would have been out of there like a shot."

"That's the difference between you and humans, Cook."

"Fucking right there, Effs. Fucking right."

"She still calls our house in the uni breaks."

"What, that girl?"

"Michelle. She thinks Tony will come home. He won't. He didn't even come back for Christmas. The girl you were talking about really fucked up. She was Colin's girlfriend."

"Fuck. Hard times, mate. Hard times."

"Yep. Hard times, Cook."

They were silent for a long time afterwards.

Effy thought about her old life. She couldn't help it. Constantly, she saw everything playing in her mind again, like a Hi-def movie on loop. She could still feel the cold rock in her hand and the cloudiness in her head from the mushrooms.

"I'm not like Tony, Cook. I'm not."

"Aren't you?"

Effy stared at Cook. She loved Tony so much, but she didn't want to _be_ him. That was proof that she really was a psycho.

Effy hoped there weren't any 44A buses wherever they were going next.


End file.
